There are moments in life when you are not on top of the world, doing what you want and exactly where you want to be; moments when you try and you fail, when the whole world tries and fails. Times like those of a freaking world pandemic that doesn’t want to end. I am sure many people go through self doubt, encouraged by critics and opinions this days.
It was a blessing for me to be independent and in a way stubborn, when it came to my principles and the way I wanted to live my life. I learned to only consider the opinions of those who know me, love, respect and appreciate me. You can be sure of one thing tho- I’ve learned all of this the hard way.
I decided to share with you the mindset I have regarding this and the things I always remind myself of when people’s opinion bothers me:
But first there is a decision in place that needs to be taken, and you’ll see why:
I remember a time in my life when me and my bffs decided that we hate talking negatively, we hate being pessimistic, surrounded by black thoughts and opinions all the time. We decided to talk ideas instead, to talk about life in a constructive way and to judge life principles, not humans.
Believe me- there’s no eye opener like a positive, constructive mindset, and there is no life improvement that tops this way of dealing with stuff.
In order to learn not to be bothered by what others think you must learn not to judge others first. We see the world based on our understanding of self. The same way a liar will always doubt everybodies statements and a cheater will most times be suspicious of his partner, somebody who constantly judges other people will always fear judgement.
So once you took the decision – sincerely, take your time and space, decide, write down, do what you need to do, talk to your friends and fam about what you decided, separate yourself from toxic environments, people, opinions, habits- build your defence mindset that will help you stay strong against negativity.
Keep in mind during what you’re going to read that:
- nothing I’m saying is meant to create excuses for lack of respect; I’m just showing you a way of thinking that allows you to analyze every word before taking it in as a part of your identity.
- you should always check if you’re not on the other side of the spectrum- if won’t help you to see yourself as a victim if you identify that you do the things described as done by the oppressor. There’s always room for change and improvement.
- we’re not referring here at all to constructive criticism from people that love and appreciate you. Constructive criticism in healthy relationships is a must if you want to be beautiful inside out. You have to be opened for it.
- we’re not referring here to people you hurt or talked bad about while they say their side of the story. They might be entitled to that.
We, as people, don’t have the same dreams, visions and ideals.
People look down on who they consider did not achieve in life what society expects of them. If you decide not to do things“society’s way” that’s more than fine. Society is full of people that accomplished everything that is expected of them and are as unhappy as if they would have 0 accomplishments.
Studies need to be done by 23, a stable 9 to 5 by 24, wed by 25, kids by 27 and have your own house done by 29. If this is the way you did things and you are content with the decisions you took, good for you! But keep in mind that not everybody has the same priorities in life. For example, others might prioritise self growth and development, traveling, learning about this world, social work, serving their country, being an influence to others. Some people want first to become the persone they want to be, and tha’s OK!
We are on different levels of emotional intelligence
You have to develop the ability of approximating the level of emotional intelligence of the person talking to you so you can detach yourself from what was said and do a fair analysis of the statement. People will often say things based on their truth and state their truth on how you make them feel.
As mentioned previously people filter everything through their own self. This is why many times you will hear some with low self esteem trying to talk down the exact thing they see in you that triggers their insecurities. This is why it is important to see behind someone’s statements and determine if they are playing fair or just try to manipulate the outcome. All of this comes from self centeredness. Not to be self centered is an art so hard to practice in our world. Some do it better than others..
And hey, I can not stress this enough: Work on your emotional intelligence so you won’t be the manipulator nor be the manipulated. To have a person like this around is very dangerous for your mental health. When somebody is constantly attacking your strengths it’s very hard to build yourself up and not doubt yourself. We all have flaws. We are all surrounded by negativity, and bad news. It is hard enough to stay grounded. Clean your environment of toxicity!
We have different cultural backgrounds.
There’s nothing that can influence the way you see life than the culture you are coming from. Half of you is your level of culture!
A man that comes from a culture and environment where gossip and judgement was the daily bread and their way was the only way will rarely accept anything outside his box. If somebody is not exposed to or does not want to assimilate an alternative way of thinking, never expect them to be tolerant with a different life-stile or opinion then his. I’m not talking about “immoral or illegal”, I’m talking about “different”.
Alwais travel trough life with the mindset that you can definitely learn from each and every person out there. That every culture is beautiful mainly because of what makes it unique. One of the controversies of my life is that I’ve learned to value each life from the army.
Keep in mind that people can not think higher than their level of culture. Again, people judge what they don’t understand.
Nobody knows the circumstances of your life.
Oh boy, if you just think about it for a minute.
Somebody once asked me: aren’t you afraid of people judging your choices in life and your development? No, I replied. Because people do not know my background. They were not there when, good or bad, decisions were made to see the environment, to understand the reasons. Nore were they raised in the same family as I, with the same principles; nor did they have the same thots, fears, struggles or mindsets as me. I’m sure we did not have the same challenges either or the same goals. So if they don’t know my story what bases are they judging it on? If I tell them my story and they don’t understand it, then we’re not on the same page so they might never get me, where I’m coming from and where I’m going.
If there’s something I’ve learned is that life is sooo unpredictable. Many times you feel that nothing is controllable and steady. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they are things I could have done better, and I took decisions that took me places where I would have rather not find myself. And most probably so did you! But so did everybody else. I’m sure that at that time, since you and me don’t have the power to foresee the future, we said yes to what we considered to be the best choice.
We are the only ones capable of evaluating our journy and say if we did well or not along the way.
It’s not you, it’s them.
“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Matthew 12: 34.
When you hear people talk, you basically enter their mind and heart; their world. If you pay attention you can see the beautiful and the ugly, what’s hurting them, their needs, their convictions and principles, etc. We all have a bit of everything on different levels. Just pay attention to the differences between the way a loving, good person would talk to you and about you (or to others and about them), and the way a hurt, frustrated person talks to you and about you (or others and about them) and I promise, you will have one of those: “ now I get it” moments.
They don’t know you, yet they share their opinion.
It’s art not to judge what you don’t have full knowledge of (again, we’re not talking about immorality, or illegalities).
Love and acceptance comes with knowledge. It’s very easy for people to judge what they don’t know. Those who know your life story, your principles, your goals and achievements, your character, your personality, if they don’t have bad intensions, will most times have a fair perspective over your life and they will have the tendency to be kinder than strangers with opinions on vague information.
A person that can’t say at least 3 of your life achievements, and don’t know at least half of where you’ve been and what you experienced, if they don’t know at least 4 of your life goals, and at least 5 one of your struggles, they’re too far to have an opinion that matters to you.
Getting this mindset of “I don’t care about people’s opinion” it’s a must. There’s no impediment on being yourself and using your talents as this: minding what people say. It never comes alone, it’s a package fueled by self-centeredness, and carries self doubt, fear of falling, fear of judgement, waste of talents, lack of charm and spirit, – because being your true self has its root in self trust, self love, acceptance, and confidence. They this four also come together.
I hope what you read was helpful for you!
If there’s anything you would like to share with us on the subject, please do so in the comments section!
I wish you peace and happiness!Loading Likes...